Sometimes it can be tricky to tell whether a girl likes you or not. You might think she is giving you hints that she's hot for you but in reality she just wants to use you for you Tesco points card and this sort of situation can lead to heartbreak. To prevent you from such pain I have compiled a list of things that should tell you, without doubt, that she is not interested in what lies behind your pants and is probably more interested in you helping her pick out a new pair to help impress someone else. Ain't no-one got time for that.
- SHE CONNECTS WITH YOU ON LINKEDIN.
In the past if a girl became your MySpace buddy there was a good chance she wanted to have a good perv at your pictures and one day become your wife. However connecting on LinkedIn just means she thinks that maybe you know people that might be of use to her which is sad, because you'll probably let her get away with that because you're less of a man that you wished you were.
- SHE RETWEETS YOUR REALLY WEIRD TWEETS.
You know that joke you made that was a little bit dark and will probably prevent you from getting a job in the near future? She retweeted that. You might think that this means she finds you hilarious but it probably means that she's just showing you off to all her mates as, 'That guy who keeps favouriting all my pictures.'
- SHE TEXTS YOU A LOT, ABOUT OTHER GUYS.
It's nice that she feels comfortable around you but unfortunately she is now so comfortable that you're the first person she comes to with relationship problems. There's a danger she thinks you're gay. This never leads to sex.
- YOU'VE KNOWN HER FOR AGES AND ARE STILL LIVING ON HOPE.
Aw, you've been friends for years. You think maybe one day she'll realise she means more to you than that, but alas she is already completely aware of this and still hasn't acted on it. It's not because she's shy, it's because she doesn't care.
- SHE CALLS YOU HER 'STRAIGHT GAY BEST FRIEND'.
Seriously, on your 22nd birthday. You were having such a nice time up until that point and then just as you're tucking in to your really rank chicken wrap she brings that gem out. Abort. Your plan has not worked.
Now life should be much easier for you. Do any of you know any gossip column editors? I think this sort of thing might be just what they're looking for.