Yes, it's Christmas. Woo.
Today I was one of those aimless people (I was really early for something, a little like every party I've ever been to) and having been in literally every shop the high street had to offer I found myself falling into the worst shop that has ever existed: Paperchase.
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| Piss off. |
My problems with Paperchase are too many to fit into one single blog post and I fear I may lose all of my readers if I posted more than one update about this so I'll do my best to condense my hatred into just a few key points:
1. They sell absolute crap.
2. They overcharge for all their absolute crap.
3. They make no attempt to hide the fact they sell absolute crap and yet people still buy it.
However despite all this they're still one of every town's mainstays. No city centre or shopping centre is complete without one and they're always really busy. Today I had to hop over two screaming children just to get to the absolute crap with the owls on. So why is this the case? How can a store where the most valuable thing it contains is a pen ever make a profit? I know a load of rubbish that doesn't do very well (Hey Arsenal fans) so what is the Paperchase secret?
I'm pretty sure it's simply raw, upfront honesty. It sounds easy but it's a key step that a lot of people miss.
Paperchase know what they are, they know that all they offer is boxes, notepads and paper with the occasional bigger box thrown in to add to the excitement. The clue is even in the name. Anyone going in expecting a beautiful haberdashery store will end up sorely disappointed, but why would you expect that when the notion of desiring something as simple as paper is made clear before you even enter?
The shop stays true to what it started out as. The stock rarely changes, the products on offer never stray too far away from the sort of stuff you'd expect to find down one aisle in Wilkinsons. It's all dull, it's all unessential and it's all charged at a minimum of £5.00. It doesn't try and hide this, it doesn't decorate the shop up or advertise to try and deceive you, it just pushes the mundane into your face and shouts 'This is what we are.'
As much as I detest it, as much as I feel physically sick whenever I go inside and as much as I struggle to understand why anyone would pay £15 for a cardboard box with flowers on it, I can't deny it works.
If only other stores had stuck to their initial ideas in the same way. If Comet had said 'We're an electrical store, we sell tumble dryers and computers,' then perhaps they'd still be alive. Everyone needs a tumble dryer, everyone needs a computer. They could have become the king at those items instead of trying to diversify to an extent that they became a bit rubbish.
If the club I used to go to as a teenager had just said, 'We're a club. The floors are sticky and you might get glassed, but it's cheap,' then they'd probably never have been turned into a Harvester.
People like to know what they're getting and Paperchase, like no other, gives you exactly the sort of rubbish you'd expect.