But why do we really do it? Why am I currently following a handful of branding agencies (eugh) a plethora of advertising agencies, the occasional celebrity, a few key Lincoln City footballers and a whole host of people I know who will likely never amount to anything enough to make our connection useful?
The reasons are different to why we would make friends with someone in the real world. We do that because we like their personalities and have fun spending time with them. But the chances are we'll never meet most of the people we follow on Twitter and therefor couldn't care less whether or not they're fun.
So here's a list of conclusions I've gathered together using a little bit of common sense, a sprinkling of experience and a dash of know-how based on the years I spent as a highly dangerous stalker. It's a spicy mix, would taste good on fajitas.
- You're interested. You follow people because they're in a similar field of work to you, because they talk about the sort of things you like to talk about. Maybe they're an expert in something and you want to expand your brain. Good on you, you're making the world a better place.
- They're useful. If they work in a similar field to you or if they work in a field you desire to get into then following them might give you a leg up in the future. A potential employer will like the fact you pay attention to what they're talking about and a bit of shameless arse licking, if done in a non-nauseating way, could certainly help. Do it in a nauseating way though and I'll come round to your house and puke up in your face, you pathetic human being.
- They're funny. Twitter is full of hilarious people. Some of them pretend to be horses while some of them are content with their humanity. Some are funny without meaning to be like this one MENTAL One Direction fan I follow. She's probably going to end up in prison.
- You want to be them. When you're a kid you make friends with people who possess traits that you desire. You model yourselves around them. It's the same online. I follow a load of really talented writers because they spend a lot of time tweeting yet still have a successful career and it blows my mind.
- You want their babies. You're only human. It takes a lot of time to actually be interested in what someone is saying, but following them on Twitter and occasionally retweeting something they post makes it look like you're putting all that effort in. There's always the chance that by following them you'll see they actually like someone else and you'll have your heart broken, but that's all part of the fun!
- They followed you. Some people say that mimicking someone's actions subconsciously shows that you like them. Following someone back on Twitter sort of works the same way. Of course if you don't like them doing this is a total waste of time and will send them awfully mixed signals. Leave them be.
There might be other reasons, like you being part of some awful pop themed cult, but for the most part we all conform. And if you are part of some awful pop themed cult you need to sort yourself out mate, like get a cat or something because this is ridiculous. Man the hell up.