So what the hell are we waiting for?
The main competition at Christmas time is between the big department stores. Look, here they are:
MARKS AND SPENCER
Marks and Sparks usually do quite good Christmas ads featuring Twiggy and that lass who was in that band once, but this year they decided to break with tradition and do something rubbish instead.
Apart from that one attractive girl (red underwear, not looked at her face yet) it's really quite boring. I like all of the songs but it's a bit glitchy having them all split up and I don't see Twiggy anywhere which makes me sad. It's a new direction and they've even got a (bad) Twitter campaign running alongside it, but that doesn't make it any less crap.
JOHN LEWIS
John Lewis are good at Christmas too. Actually they're good at adverts in general and, bonus, they're never knowingly undersold. What does that even mean? Who cares! This year they've done something with a snowman which I guess is quite cute even if completely unrealistic because snowmen can't walk, idiots.
After seeing this ad for the first time I made a joke about how the snowman should have just ordered the gifts online and it got 8 whole likes on Facebook. Go me! Also why do we make snowmen wear hats and scarves? Surely they will just melt and die quicker? We're all murderers.
DEBENHAMS
You know how sometimes men get called shallow? I think this advert is why. How are we NOT meant to be shallow when they stick an attractive woman on the TV and make us watch as she prances about in the snow? It's taken me half an hour of watching this ad to remember what they're actually advertising. It is not the woman, she is not for sale.
I like this ad. It's the best one, okay? Sure she's got a kid but I can live with that because she's EVERYTHING.
BOOTS
Sometimes you forgot that Boots is a department store because you only go in there for meal deals or to get your eyes checked. But if you look around you find out that actually they sell everything you could ever need if the world ended, which is handy.
Ain't it sweet? That dad wants his daughter to stay round his house more often. She'd do that anyway if you hadn't slept with that other woman you massive prick, but the thought is nice all the same. The granddad is cool too because he lets the little girl paint his nails. What she doesn't realise is that he does that all the time at home without her.
Is that all of them? Have I missed any out? Probably, but you don't care because to you I'm just a series of words rather than a real life person with feelings.
Happy November.
