This weekend has been one full of problems, hence why the title of this blog post is 'Problems.' I'm not deep enough to think of anything better or more cryptic, OK? You're lucky you got that as it is.
Anyway, because I've not had enough caffeine or food to be feeling good about myself just yet I'm not going to dramatise these problems in a way that will make them vaguely enjoyable to read. I'm not going to write a fucking poem or a story that somehow brings them all together and leaves you with a moral lesson that you can apply to your own existence. That's for another time. This is the time for me to list those problems in a bitter, low-blood-sugar sort of way and then leave you to decide whether you can give enough of a shit about them to carry on reading. I am guessing the answer to that question will be 'no' so don't be surprised if I start making stuff up towards the end.
Right.
1. I spent my shopping budget on stuff I didn't really need and have since found myself not really having anything to eat for dinner.
2. I ran out of tea.
3. I did nothing, literally nothing all weekend. It was a chronic waste of 48 hours of my life.
4. I have become increasingly paranoid about the amount of times I start a sentence with 'I.' I'm not an arrogant man, but even this sentence starts with fucking 'I.' I can't help it. Even that one. Fuck.
5. All of the prior four points have started with the letter 'I.'
6. Someone outside the tube station called me a nasty name because I was wearing shorts in the rain.
7. People outside tube stations are jealous of me and how tough I am in bad weather.
8. The washing machine ate one of my socks. I'm going to have to chop a foot off.
9. ARGGHHHHH.
10. See above.
11. Dragons attacked my apartment.
12. I can't remember why I am in this fairly bad mood. It's probably because I ran out of tea.
13. I just did it again.
14. And again.
15. I hate myself.
16. And again.
17. Crap.
There. 17 problems that aren't really problems, I just needed to vent. Normal service shall be resumed after lunch.
