Employer: Ash Billinghay
Location: Wherever Ash Billinghay goes.
About Ash Billinghay: Ash Billinghay is a 22 year old male who works predominantly as a bitter writer desperately trying to seek creative inspiration from the dark corners of his often miserable existence. He also dabbles in social media and has ran highly effective social media campaigns for a number of top international brands. This went to make him more bitter. He works for whoever will pay him money which will lead to a varied and occasionally terrifying experience for whoever takes on this newly created role.
To report to: Ash Billinghay
Outline of role: You will be required to act as Ash Billinghay's best friend at all times. You should be appreciative of his needs as a human being and always be there for him in cases of emergency relating to Ash Billinghay being unhappy, bored or sober. You should always engage with him when he is talking to you and not ignore him in the hope that he might just go away, because he won't. However you must also remember that sometimes he hates other people and should be prepared to leave him alone if he looks like he's about to shout. This is infrequent so don't worry.
You must: Laugh at Ash Billinghay's jokes, tell Ash Billinghay his hair looks nice, compliment Ash Billinghay on his many leather jackets, engage fully in Ash Billinghay's social media activities (such as liking all Facebook updates and retweeting/ favouriting Tweets), read every blog Ash Billinghay writes and regularly inform him that he is an undiscovered genius just waiting to blossom into the creative flower that he will one day, without doubt, become.
The ideal candidate will: You will have prior best friend experience or experience in a similar role but will not be overly attached to that prior role as that will cause jealousy and anger. Perhaps you will have been a good friend before and are now looking to make a step up in your career to this new best friend position. You will be funny but not funnier than Ash Billinghay. You will be good looking but not more good looking than Ash Billinghay. You will not make jokes about Ash Billinghay being diabetic.
Required qualifications: You will be educated to degree level but not post graduate as Ash Billinghay likes to feel clever compared to the people around him.
Salary guide: You will be paid in regular coffees, cups of tea and several rounds of drinks at various pubs. You may also occasionally receive free cinema tickets and a sarcastic, yet appreciative, high five for a job especially well done.
To apply: If you are interested in this exciting opportunity you should send your CV along with a covering letter to ashbillinghay@gmail.com or alternatively get in touch with him via Twitter where he can be found using the @ash_billinghay handle. Please include in your CV any examples of your previous best friend experience and state why you feel you would be suitable for this role.
Contact details: Ash Billinghay is currently uncomfortable with giving further contact information out in case it turns out you are a psychopath out to hurt him. This is based on previous problems. However you can view his website at www.ashbillinghay.co.uk where you will find further contact details if you are clever.
Ash Billinghay confirms his commitment to equality of opportunities in all area of work and this recruitment process.
