I Have Commitment Issues.

I'm pretty bad at finding times for things that aren't essential. If I have a job to do I will do it because that is essential else I won't get paid and then I'll starve and die, but other things tend to get pushed to the back of my mind where they shrivel up and die like an out of date corn flake. They take no precedence in order of importance so ultimately none of them happen. That run I was planning to go on gets forgotten about and that guitar I was going to learn to play ends up being a very elaborate hat stand that makes girls think I'm all interesting before being bitterly disappointed. Ha, just kidding; girls never come round. My days end up being filled by doing essential things and then contemplating doing non-essential things that sound fun but never get to prove they are because they only ever exist as ideas. 

That is, until, the occasional exceptions happen. Because while I am bad at finding time for things that aren't essential, when I do find the time for one I end up getting hooked. Take this blog, for example. I started writing it when I was 16 after years of thinking I'd quite like to write a blog but never quite getting round to doing it. Seven years later and it's still here, albeit in disguise as a professional website, and it's ended up being one of the best decisions I've ever made. Other exceptions include that one time I watched the entire first two seasons of 90210 in a week or the weekend I texted a date 23 times despite her not replying once. Her loss. I get carried away with the moment, I feel, and I cling onto it like there might never be another chance to experience something similar. I've filled sketchbooks in hours and written huge portions of writing without even breaking for tea, not being able to tear myself away having taken so long to getting round to starting in the first place. It's as if I don't trust myself that I'll be able to do it again if I give up, so I don't until I have no other option but to. Right now I'm on season 5 of the American Office having only started at season 1 a few days ago. How many seasons are there? I hope it's an infinite amount because I don't know what I'll do when I run out other than cry and potentially turn to crime to fill the void. 

Jumping into commitment is terrifying, but after I've made the leap I'll just keep falling until death, probably. It's a pretty rock and roll way to live.