STEP 1. IDENTIFY SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT THE CULPRIT.
So you have a culprit, someone who has done something a bit shoddy, and now you have to find out something about that person that will make it easier for your awfulness to come out in public light without fear of being judged by your peers. Maybe the culprit is ginger, maybe they're a Man Utd fan or, maybe, just maybe, they believe in a different (aka WRONG) God to you. That one's probably the easiest to go with so let's say it's that.
STEP 2. GIVE LOTS OF REASONS WHY THAT DIFFERENCE IS BAD.
You could say their God is evil if you're religiously minded, but most of you probably don't have a clue what religion it even is they believe in so you're not that likely to be into it yourself. Instead it might work better for you if you just insist that difference is the reason why everything in the world is bad. That gives you a broader brush to paint things with and will allow for extra hate to seep out of your skin. "They don't live exactly how I live? That must be the reason I am out of work!"
STEP 3. LOSE ALL COMMON SENSE.
Common sense will instantly kill off any attempts at becoming a terrible person so it's imperative you get rid of it immediately. Any rational thinking or logic should be put to the back of your mind and replaced with racism and bigotry as this will make things a lot more simple for you. Is there a part of your mind telling you that, in the past, people just like you have done bad things too? Ignore it. It's trying to trick you. We are all perfect.
STEP 4. GET ANGRY.
What don't you like in life? Taxes? Rainy weather? Dogs that look sad? Whatever it is now would be a very good time to get absolutely furious about it and pin all of the blame on the people who have caused the initial problem. Has a man who wears glasses kicked a kitten? He is almost certainly at fault for everything else bad in your life too.
STEP 5. FORGET THAT YOUR LIFESTYLE IS ITSELF QUITE DIVERSE.
So you want people who aren't born in this country to go back to where they were born, do you? Alright, I suppose you should probably stop eating their food then, or buying their products from the supermarket, or using the internet that their technicians make possible. Actually just send any technology you own back because I doubt anyone from England made it. Do you have a car? Sorry, that has to go too. What clothes are you wearing? Primark? Ouch... I'm not sure how to tell you this but...
STEP 6. PRETEND TO KNOW ABOUT STUFF.
I know that your normal topics of conversation revolve around football or what you saw at the cinema or maybe a funny picture you found online, but that's not really going to cut it right now, is it? Knowing about who Liverpool might be about to sign is fine for most of the time but this is the time to know about politics and human rights, so you have to start acting like you do. All of that other stuff you say about cats wearing hats will totally make people believe you when you start talking about war. Good work!
STEP 7. CLAIM TO HAVE A NEW FOUND PRIDE IN YOUR COUNTRY.
You might not have a job, you might get most of your money from the benefits system and give very little back in the form of taxes or hard work, you might have a few criminal convictions to your name and you might have gone to a party dressed up as a Nazi soldier that one time, but you've always absolutely loved England, right? So what if you've never done anything for your nation; you're doing all that now by accusing all the foreigners who do have jobs, who do pay a lot in terms of tax, who abide the law and who actually make your life incredibly easy of being terrorists. God save the Queen and God save you, but only white God; the others are all bad.
STEP 8. FIND A FLAG.
Your national pride will mean nothing if you haven't got a massive Union Jack as your Facebook profile picture. Maybe write some words over it like, "It's our country, our rules!" or "Keep Britain Great. Get the invaders out!" That will send a message to all of your friends that you're the man who knows what he is talking about. People should listen to you because, while you might lack any intellect, you do have a flag and that cannot be denied.
STEP 9. ACCUSE EVERYONE WHO ISN'T ACTING LIKE YOU OF BEING A TRAITOR.
How can other people not think like you? They're in the wrong and you are in the right; you have to remember that. Because they're not insisting people with a different skin colour are evil they're clearly just as bad as them, although they don't have to leave because of their passports.
STEP 10. SPREAD YOUR MESSAGE.
Congratulations, you are now terrible. But there is no point in being terrible if no-one else knows about it. Shout about just how terrible you are, write about it everywhere using CAPITAL LETTERS and hateful words. Be sure to use the line 'I'm not a racist, but...' before you start though, otherwise people might start thinking that you're racist. We wouldn't want that.
