What To Do Before North Korea Blows Us Up.

North Korea is a giggle, isn't it? Just be sure you don't say that to their leader's face. He's easily pissed. So with the threat of nuclear destruction imminent, I thought it would be best that I started doing the things I've always wanted to do before it's too late and we end up either dead or living with extra unwanted limbs. Unfortunately this was a rather bold statement for me to make to myself and it led to me having no idea what it was I'd always wanted to do at all. Had I always dreamed of learning to ride a horse? Was forcing Emma Watson to live in my cupboard really worth the effort? Could I practically eat battered sausage and chips for every meal for the rest of my life? Probably not. I had to really start to prioritise what it was I wanted from my last days on earth. I didn't just want to waste them sitting playing PES and struggling to learn how to do anything other than shoot over the bar. That's for another time; this is end of the world stuff! It has to matter, it has to be important and it has to be worthy of a blog post all about it. Think Billinghay, think! Having dreams and actually acting on them are two very different things and the pressure was beginning to get to me.

I had always wanted a lift that opened up directly into my apartment. That was something I could achieve in time, surely? But wait, I don't actually have an apartment or any money. Estate agents would probably want money even if they knew the apocalypse was coming because they'll no doubt still be alive after it happens. So that was that dream scrapped.

Of course I've always wanted to get a novel published but I'm only half way through writing the first draft at the moment and the STRIKE COULD HAPPEN AT ANYTIME so I couldn't bank on me finishing before we all turned to dust. Maybe I'd just put all my ideas into a tweet instead. Where does Emma Watson even live?

Could I learn to play the guitar in just a few weeks? How many cows would it take to make me twenty more leather jackets in varying colours? Is it possible that my beard could just stop being ginger overnight and I would wake up looking like Jesus?

In short I didn't know what I wanted and I've ended up wasting a blog post just to tell you that. If this is the last thing you ever read before acid starts falling from the sky and scorches your eyes out I apologise. Not sincerely, but enough so that if I do survive and you don't I won't feel all that guilty.