Sometimes I just sit and watch my social media feeds and laugh. 'Ha ha ha!' I say, as new tweets and statuses come flooding in. 'Look at all these people, trying to use social media. Look at all the problems they're encountering!' This goes on for a while until I realise that I've just wasted my entire morning laughing at people and not actually achieving anything of my own. When that happens it's time for action. When that happens it's time for this blog post. Because I'm more than just a person who laughs; I'm also a person who helps.
Social media problem #1: You keep accidentally tweeting yourself.
Isn't it weird how people never reply to your tweets? It makes you feel sad and alone, doesn't it? I should know; I'll post a tweet about this blog post when it's done and no-one will say anything, they'll just try and pretend I don't exist. But you're not me and you don't have to live this way. Instead, you should just stop putting YOUR OWN Twitter handle at the start of tweets. That will send the tweet to you. Your followers will still see it but they'll laugh and correctly assume that you're an idiot and probably never engage with you ever again.
Social media problem #2: No-one likes anything you post on Facebook.
IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE BORING. Have you just had another child? Have you just got with another partner? Have you noticed some more interesting weather? Keep that shit to yourself, bro, it ain't gonna garner engagement. Now if you've accidentally eaten that other child, that's the sort of stuff people want to read about. Think about it for future reference.
Social media problem #3: You get confused and use hashtags on Facebook.
In the future you will be able to use hashtags on Facebook and they will work. Unfortunately for you we're not in the future and you still look like a mug. Be patient, your time will come.
Social media problem #4: All your Instagram pictures are of food.
Is that a sandwich you're eating?!? WOW! Everyone has to see it immediately! Arrange it nicely on that table so it looks like you just naturally live a really cool life! If this is the voice inside your head you need to silence it. Don't ask me how, I'm not being held responsible for your suicide, just do something and soon. There are billions of things to take pictures of that aren't edible, get busy.
Social media problem #5: No-one reads your blog.
This kind of stuff probably doesn't help.
