Things you shouldn't do when it's snowing in spring.

Spring is a time for change, for new things to happen and for old things to melt away as the sun begins to shine brightly through the last remaining winter clouds. Or at least it would be if it weren't for all that pesky climate change (hey doubters, still reckon it's all just a myth? Morons.) Yet despite all this 'orrible weather ruining what is normally such a nice time of the year there are still some people doing a lot of stupid things in an attempt to pretend it's all alright after all. Here is what those things are and why they desperately need to be stopped to prevent the world spinning into some sort of anarchic state of doing whatever the hell it likes.

SHORTS.
I get that it's meant to be sunnier than it is right now and therefore you might have already got your summer gear out in preparation, but the reality is that it's freezing and you look like a knob. Put your legs away before they turn blue and fall off and we all laugh at your failings as a human being. You don't look cool, you just look cold.

CARAVANS.
"We always go away in the van at this time of year," said a woman on the news the other day. Well how about this year, love, you don't. Why? Because the caravan park is under 2 feet of slush and you can't go anywhere because if you step outside the door you'll freeze instantly like one those poor pilots in The Day After Tomorrow. Perhaps it would be best if you saved your holiday for another time or, ideally, just never went anywhere in a caravan again because you cause problems, nothing but problems.

SUNGLASSES.
Do they wear sunglasses in the antarctic because of the glare of the sun off the snow? Yes. Are you in the antarctic? No. You're in Grantham and it's just a little bit frosty. The only thing that's going to be glaring into your eyes is the bright glow of humiliation soon to be surrounding you as all your friends walk in the opposite direction.

T-SHIRTS.
"But my arms are too big for jumpers," is the excuse of people who are fat. Those fat people don't need jumpers when it's cold because their lard reserves are already providing ample heat. But by showing this off they're not looking better than the rest of us, they're just looking like something that might be useful to burn and sit around to heat our hands up on. Either dress appropriately or be prepared to be hunted for sport.

GOING SOMEWHERE SUNNIER.
No. We all have to suffer through this so you should too. Escaping isn't an option I am willing to accept. Something else I am not willing to escape is you trying to escape then being disappointed when the airport is shut and complaining about it. You can afford a holiday so you don't need my sympathy as well.

Haha. 

Everything else is fine. Good luck with it.