OCEAN OF THOUGHT

You know how when you're a kid and you get told to write a stream of thought to 'Unleash your creative potential?' What? That never happened to you? Well that's a pity as that kind of ruins the reference for you. Oh well, you only exist in my head anyway so I guess that doesn't really matter. Anyway, this isn't a stream of thought because I don't need to unleash my creative potential, it's already there in bucket loads if you JUST LOOK. IT'S RIGHT THERE. STOP IGNORING IT. So this is not a stream of thought, it's bigger than that. This is an ocean. A full on big blue ocean full of fish and sharks and Leonardo DiCaprio's dead body. Sometimes when I write I find myself stopping and thinking 'perhaps I should not say that in case it makes me sound weird or someone gets offended' but as we have already gathered you're only imaginary so how can imaginary people possibly get offended by something I have said unless I imagine them to get that way? And why the hell would I do that? It would only make things more difficult for myself and I like the easy life which is why I am writing this on a blogger platform rather than trying to figure out a way to incorporate this page onto my actual website. (Hey, have you looked at my actual website? Visit www.ashbillinghay.co.uk to see how I could be the solution to all your copywriting needs. That's www.ashbillinghay.co.uk. Don't delay, visit today.) But enough of the shameless self promotion, it is time for a page break.

That was nice.

I feel that one was probably a little too much so I will choose this as the line to continue on. This week is going to be super busy, so busy in fact that I may have no other time to let any words leave my head via way of my fingers so I am going to get them all out right here and now. You better bloody read them or they will be hurt. I am also going to get all of the things that have made me annoyed out too so that I can focus all my energy on being positive and happy rather than negative and, well, unhappy.

The following titles should be read out in the voice of the X Factor voice-over guy.

THING NUMBER 1.
The first thing that annoyed me was that today I went to buy a gillet and they didn't have any that I liked so I ended up spending a lot more money on a giant jumper and a scarf. Wankers.

THING NUMBER 2.
No-one will likely see this giant jumper or scarf because it seems I hardly ever see anyone and sometimes I find myself wondering whether I even have friends or just a group of people who would like me more if I had actually found a gillet.

THING NUMBER 3.
You. HAHAHAHA. You did not see that coming. Sorry but you've been asking for it.

THING NUMBER 4.
Staples charged me £3.00 just to print from a memory stick today. Fuck you Staples, but thank you for the points card. I am going to use it to slice your throat open before selling your blood to some underground doctors and making my money back.

That's it. The tide of the ocean of thought is going out now (thought oceans don't work like real oceans) and this metaphor is slowly dying. It's been fun writing for you, people in my head.

YEAH ASH. YOU ARE ENOUGH.