Dear Ash,
I've been watching you for a while now. I like your hair. It looks like how my hair would look if I wore your body for a suit, which is something I often dream about doing. Do you like cheese? I hope so because I have attached the scent of cheese in this envelope, you should be inhaling it as you read. Don't worry, I did some research into the sort of cheese you eat (I like that you shop at Asda, it's easy for me to get to) so you should not be put off by the smell as I chose one you enjoy. I have also attached a picture I made for you. The picture is made up of all the different parts of girls I have seen you talking to and I hope that you will imagine this is how I look. Of course this is not actually how I look, but I need you in my life and want you to pretend. You can do that, can't you?
I read your blog all the time. My favourite posts are the ones that rhyme. You are really talented and I am very surprised that no-one has published any of your work as of yet. I am sure that time is just around the corner, don't you give up hope. If you are rejected again be sure to let me know in your response to this and I will find whoever did it. We can hurt them together if you like, I think it would be romantic.
I also enjoy reading your tweets. I don't actually follow you on Twitter because I am shy and a little afraid that you might be put off by me constantly retweeting what you say, but I do look at it every day. I have my fingers crossed that you will say something sweet about me. I know where you live, it is a nice house.
Anyway, I have to go now. The library have a limit on how long you can use their computers and I've spent nearly all of my time looking at your Facebook pictures. That beard suited you and I think you should grow it back.
I hope this finds you well. Please reply, or I will come for you.
xxx
