There's a big white screen in front of me begging for words, yet I can think of no words to put on it. It reminds me of that one time I imagined a girl wanted me to have sex with her but it turned out I had no penis. Imagined is the key word there, I do definitely have a penis and that girl definitely did not want to go anywhere near it. Odd that I used that as a metaphor really, because ultimately it's ended up being quite self deprecating. Pretend it never happened, pretend I said something better.
I think part of the problem is that this weekend I actually went outside and used my words with REAL PEOPLE. Normally I just sit inside and save up all my words in case the apocalypse happens and I have to ask God for forgiveness or do a bit of bartering with the devil to make sure I get a decent room in his motel. As of yet the apocalypse hasn't happened so all my language skills have been left free for witty blog posts or a spree of sarcastic tweets. It's odd how a spree of tweets is acceptable, in fact often encouraged, yet a spree of Facebook status updates would make you look like a massive prick. One of my ex-Facebook friends went on such a spree the other day about how her thousand children were all lovely and didn't deserve such a bastard for a father. STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM THEN, YOU IDIOT. I wish I had actually said that instead of deleting her, I would have felt so much more accomplished. Anyway, I digress. All my words have been used up in conversation with actual other human beings so I have no good words left to use now. Sorry, this will have to do.
'Why do a blog post then, dickhead?' I hear all three of you ask. Well because those actual human beings have all left now and I'm stuck on my own again with only the voices in my head for company. Those voices are telling me to write and to burn everything down. I'm all out of matches, so this was my only choice. Be grateful.
I'm going to stop now because it has already taken me eight hours to get this far and I should probably call it quits before letters literally stop existing in my mind.
Or before the apocalypse does actually happen, leaving me screwed.
