When I was 3 I came near the end of an egg and spoon race at play school, I got a sticker saying, "Well done" or, "Good effort." I was pretty pleased with that. Later on in life, after spending days trying to win the league on Fifa Football 99 I got to see my injury ridden Newcastle United team (not sure why I chose them) lift the trophy and also witness that bit at the end of every game where you can see who made it and stuff. I don't know why they put that it, really. It's not very exciting. It's like a nerd's curtain call.
"Look at us. We didn't get out much as kids so we learnt to do all this fancy stuff. We're richer than you are now, hurrah!"
When I was 11 I played Bert in the Yr 6 production of Mary Poppins and earned a standing ovation at the end. That was nice.
In short, I guess what I'm trying to say, and you should forgive me for the poor quality of the execution of these words (I've not slept in 21 years. Not once,) is that at the end of something hard you are often rewarded. You get a pat on the back, a shiny badge to wear, maybe even a cash incentive to keep up the good work.
So, after 3 years of a degree that has turned me from a shy, retiring boy with a rubbish hair cut and terrible social skills to a cocky, arrogant prick with a rubbish hair cut and terrible social skills that I kid myself about, what is my prize?
Well, I get a degree, if I've done well enough. I can frame it and hang it on the imaginary wall of my imaginary office for all to see. They will say,
"Hey, what's your degree in?" and I will say,
"Creative Advertising," and they will say,
"Sounds like a doss course," and then I will eat them.
But really, nearly £10,000 pounds seems like a lot for a piece of paper. I could have brought a person for that money, I've seen them on ebay. I could have made my person do the degree for me and give me all the credit.
Where's my trophy?
Where's my curtain call with all my tutors coming to the front of the stage and bowing?
Where's my "Good Effort" sticker if it all goes badly wrong?
That's all I'm after. Well, no, all I'm after is a decent job, but the sticker would go a long way to reassuring me that it will all turn out for the better.