That's not how I normally like to start a blog post, but then I don't normally start them a week after becoming the most ill I've ever been and spending several days semi-conscious in a hospital bed whilst my internal organs are brought back to life, so this is something new for several reasons.
I find the best way to get over anything quite as unfortunate as this is to be completely sarcastic about it, so that's what you should be about to expect.
To fill you in, approximately seven days ago I was walking back to work with a grande sugar free vanilla latte in my hand when I passed out in a car park due to the kind of low blood sugar diabetics have as one of their daily perks. At the time this caught me a bit off guard, so I didn't react very quickly and instead just went completely unconscious and smashed my head into some concrete. But you know, shit like that has happened before, so when I woke up a few hours later in a hospital bed I was more than happy to get up and leave, and just put this down as another thing to thank an imaginary God for. Unfortunately things then took a far more sinister turn, when my initial low blood sugar turned into incredibly high blood sugar, I stopped being able to eat, drink or breathe, I threw up every 20 minutes and I was rushed back into hospital with something called ketoacidosis. I don't have a fucking clue what that really is, but it felt like shit and I don't want it to happen again.
Anyway, all of that part of the story is boring and while I could spend ages being pissed off about it happening to me despite my best efforts to live a healthy lifestyle, it won't actually achieve anything and I'll still be stuck with a condition that no-one can cure and most people think is a result of eating too much unhealthy food.
The only part of the tale really worth reliving is this morning, which was my first morning spent outside since it had all happened. You rarely get the chance to experience something entirely fresh, but that's what the world felt like today. To my eyes that had been stuck inside with daytime television for so long, the blue Autumn sky seemed brighter than ever. I had to put some sunglasses on to stop the glare. To my legs that had been hanging limply over the side of a stiff NHS bed for hours on end, the walk down the road felt like the first time anyone had ever attempted such a treck. My calves stretched out and my ligaments pulsed, desperate to experience what they'd been told other legs got to do all the time. The wind swept some life back into my dull hair, the moisture in the air kissed against my skin and made it shiver like it was far colder outside than it actually was.
Everything felt a little more daunting than normal, but equally a little more possible. I'll describe it to you now in a way that might not make any sense to you, but is the best possible comparison I can make.
A few years ago I was tasked with finding a flat for me and my friend to move into after graduating from university. She was away at the time, so I arranged a couple of viewings by myself and set out to explore with just a badly drawn map on a piece of notepaper. The walk down the road into what would eventually be our home for a year just felt very clean, very polished and quite bright. There was opportunity there, a new set of things to experience and do. That and the fact the rent was more than affordable meant I rushed pretty quickly into signing for that flat and let a great surge of 'Oooh Ash, look at you, with your adult responsibilities,' rush over me.
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| This was done by my super talented friend Sally. She's made my fringe look incredible. |
Something similar happened today. While this time it may have been encouraged by a slight swelling to my brain, the fact I've lost a tonne of weight and an air of confusion around where I was meant to be going, it was still rather nice.
I've described it now using far too many similes and nowhere near enough angst as I would have liked, but you should still hopefully get the point.
Yes, I am still pretty unwell, yes, I still haven't been able to get a full night's sleep in a very long time and yes, the pain is my head is still, at times, unbearable, but the sky did look awfully nice today.