2013 was a bit hit and miss. Actually, it was mainly miss. I can't remember most of it but I can assure you that you're not missing out on much by my lack of recollection. So instead of wasting time trying to put together the pieces of the last 12 months in a manner that you'll pretend to care about for a few seconds before ultimately getting on with your life, I'm just going to blag it in the hope it makes you laugh,
If it doesn't, I couldn't care less. This blog was only ever for my own entertainment. Alright?
January.
In January I was trying to be self-employed. I was also pretty hungover a lot of the time so I probably assumed that career decision was going alright. Ha.
February.
It was my 23rd birthday in February so I imagine I spent the whole month wondering why I wasn't successful yet, didn't have a girlfriend, had never owned a dog and didn't, as far as I could tell, have anything worth leaving behind if I suddenly died. It was a proper laugh.
March.
By March I had come to the conclusion that the decision to be my own boss, that I'd made in August of the previous year, was a horrible mistake. However I finished a load of courses designed to make this mistake seem more palatable and some people gave me some money as a reward. With that money I bought some fun business cards with poems on them. They did not help.
April.
I was in full 'I must find an actual job to validate my two degrees' mode now. I couldn't carry on telling people that writing for various blogs and magazines for naff all money was good fun, because it wasn't. I applied for some jobs and gave up on my dreams for the second time in a year. YOU GO, ASH.
May.
Weirdly, someone decided that I would be a good employee and offered me a position. Even weirder than that was the fact that the person offering me the position was the university I had graduated from twice previously. It was as if they'd trained me up purely so they could use me to make them better one day in the future. Sneaky buggers. I started working full time again and had to get used to speaking to other human beings. I'm pretty sure no-one spoke to me for the first few weeks. I can't blame them.
June.
In the summer I decided that I would start biking to work because I wasn't really earning enough to keep paying for a bus ticket. Violins, please start playing. My biking attire consisted of some shorts, some high top trainers, a vest top and a snap back cap on backwards. People laughed at me until I told them that I used to work in Camden. It looked ridiculous there too so I'm not really sure what the point was.
July.
I might have got this in the wrong order, but I THINK I went on an away day in July with the people from my office. I won a medal. It was this medal that convinced everyone I worked with that I was a good human being and from then on people stopped spitting in my tea.
August.
My sister turned 21 in August and it made me horribly sad. I was 21 once and I used to drink lots and meet people and make out with people that I wouldn't have gone near had I been sober. I missed that terribly. I AM OLD NOW AND I HAVE TO LIVE LIKE A GROWN UP. BOLLOCKS.
September.
I cried for the entirety of this month.
At least I would have done, if I could feel.
October.
What the hell happened in October? Does anyone remember? Quick, let's ask Facebook! Oh, in October I discovered that I was number 1 on Google Images for the search term 'serial killer glasses'. It was pretty groundbreaking and over twenty people liked it. That was all I did, apparently.
November.
My job was meant to end in November but it didn't, which was nice because I liked it. I stole an old CD and started using it as a coaster. I was also ridiculously busy and for the first time in ages I took some work home because I wanted to get it done, rather than because my boss had shouted at me and implied I was a moron.
December.
December is now. Yay. I went to Manchester for a UCAS fair and inadvertently chatted up a load of 17 year old girls. I also ate a bland German sausage, slept in two different beds in one night and broke a light bulb. After that I went on a fantastic Christmas party, got a little bit smashed, ended up being hungover before the night had even ended and got told by a taxi driver that I could pay him £500 for a wife. That Facebook status also performed pretty well.
What does the future hold? Hopefully some stuff that will be less depressing to write about.
