Sometimes I sit scrolling through my Facebook news feed and I find myself asking,
"Do I really need to be Facebook friends with you any more?"
The problem stems from being Facebook friends with people I barely know, or people I used to know but don't really care for now, in the present day. There was a time when accepting friend requests from the kid that used to sit behind you in GCSE maths was deemed polite, but now I think that time has passed. Now I think you're just leading them on if you keep on pretending to give a shit about their life.
I don't want to be rude but, honestly, I don't really mind if you've just eaten a nice sandwich. I don't really mind about anything you do. I'm not even that sure who you are. So with that in mind, and as an attempt to help us all enjoy using social media just that little bit more, here is a thorough list of people you no longer have to be Facebook friends with. It's not rude to let them go; it's rude to keep giving them hope.
That guy that used to sit behind you in GCSE maths.
Didn't he once throw a paper clip at your head? Isn't he the reason you no longer know how to trust? Yeah, you don't need to be Facebook friends with him any more.
The girl you fancied when you were younger but now she just posts pictures of her dog.
You're not young now. You are old and wise and can click the 'unfriend' button. Her dog isn't even that cute. You don't have to be Facebook friends with her any more.
Your second uncle's kid's best friend.
Didn't you meet once at a family BBQ? Didn't he seem a little bit racist? Doesn't he have a Union Jack as his cover photo? You don't have to be Facebook friends with him any more.
Your second uncle.
You found him when searching for your surname. He really loves God. He likes to talk about how much he loves God. You're not sure God exists and don't appreciate poetry suggesting he does. You don't have to be Facebook friends with him any more. (Your second uncle, or God.)
Anyone you went to primary school with.
They didn't like you then, why give them the chance to now? THEY WASTED THEIR OPPORTUNITY AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE FACEBOOK FRIENDS WITH THEM ANY MORE.
Girls you met in clubs.
'Oh yeah, I'm on Facebook...' they said, but you heard, 'Add me on Facebook! We'll chat all the time and go out and stuff because of how many of my pictures you like!' You were mistaken. You don't have to be Facebook friends with them any more.
Minor celebrities.
Did you add them because Twitter didn't exist yet and no-one had really mastered the art of the Facebook fan page? Do you now wonder who they are and why you should be caring about their relationship status changes? There's a solution: You don't have to be Facebook friends with them any more.
90% of the people you met at university.
You made some really fantastic friends at university who you'll hopefully stay in touch with for the rest of your life. These people are not them. You don't have to be Facebook friends with them any more.
Take this opportunity to refresh your social circles. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do to someone is let them go.
