Friday, 26 April 2013

Your Kid Misbehaved, Liverpool.


There’s been a lot of talk in the last few days, predominantly from Liverpool fans and players, about how their Uruguayan striker Luis Suarez has been harshly treated having been given a ten game ban.

All of this talk is absolute rubbish.

He wasn’t given a ten game ban because he’s from a different country, he wasn’t given a ten game ban because people like to blame him for everything and he wasn’t given a ten game ban because everyone likes to pick on Liverpool. He was given a ten game ban because he BIT SOMEONE. He put his mouth around another player’s arm and sank his teeth into his flesh. He chowed down. He chomped on another human being. He tried to make a meal out of a fellow professional. Banning him for that isn’t racist or discriminatory or in any way unfair; it’s incredibly generous!

If Luis Suarez worked in any other business apart from football and did the same thing he’d not only be sacked immediately and struggle to ever find work again, but he’d also be charged with assault by the police and might receive jail time. He wouldn’t just be slapped on the wrist and told not to do it again; he’d be put behind bars and questioned about the location of Count Dracula.  “We know you work together, Luis, just tell us where he is. If you help us we can help you. We’ll feed you all the Serbian defenders you like.”
Put Suarez in a suit and tie and take him out of the weird world of football and you’ll get no-one defending him. You’ll have no-one saying that a smaller ban would have been more fair and that he’s only being singled out because Liverpool are always hard done by, blah blah blah. Instead you’d have people writing into the Daily Mail and insisting that he shouldn’t have even been allowed in this country in the first place. They’d write a piece about how he came over here and stole someone else’s job and now look what he’s doing! Something must be done! Samantha Brick would write an opinion piece on how she’s always gotten away with biting people because she’s so beautiful and if Suarez only looked more like her he’d have been fine, because she is perfect.

The only reason people are even trying to defend him is because he’s a sports star. They shouldn’t be treated differently to anyone else just because they’re athletic and spent their childhood learning how to run and kick rather than worrying about their education and whether or not they’d be having chicken nuggets for dinner. They’re already paid millions of pounds a year to do something they enjoy doing so why should they be allowed extra privileges too? “Sorry Luis, this has all got out of hand. Yes, you bit someone, but you’re a multi-millionaire footballer who will never have to suffer a day in your life so I guess it’s fine if we let you off with a warning.” It’s a ridiculous idea.

If I went into my job and got annoyed with a co-worker and decided that the only way to resolve that issue was by biting them I would be delighted with the sort of ban Suarez has received. If they told me I couldn’t go to ten meetings until I learnt my lesson I would be chuffed. A ten day ban from the canteen? Sure, go for it. I’d have deserved such punishment. The longer Liverpool and Suarez moan about it the less I and anyone else with any common sense are going to care. It’s beginning to sound more and more like a petulant school kid getting into trouble and his trouble maker family coming into complain to the head.

Your kid misbehaved, Liverpool, a bit of time locked in his room will be good for him.