Troll, troll on the social media site!

In the fantasy world of Harry Potter, trolls are dealt with in a certain manner. When one turns up in the girls toilet our three stars are quick to get rid of it by using magic spells that ultimately leave it unconscious on the tiled floor. The characters are rewarded for this, I think they get house points or a promise that evil won't come after them for the evening or something similar. Yay! However in the much more real, often less magical world of social media management trolls are a far more present danger that can't simply be dealt with by knocking them out. What a shame. So to put your mind at ease and make handling the little blighters a damn site easier here is my no-nonsense, non-violent guide to dealing with internet trolls. Wands down, children, you won't be needing them in my class.

You can't really buy any t-shirts. Sorry if this mislead you.

Step 1.

Answer the troll's questions in a calm, professional manner.

The troll has likely made a statement or asked a question that they feel is unanswerable. For example: 

'Why the hell are you such a ****head?' You will really catch them off guard if you provide them with an answer in a cool, calm, calculated fashion. In this situation I would recommend replying with a simple, 'We're sorry you feel that way, but your mother never had any complaints.' No, don't really say that. Say the first bit but not the last bit. Please don't say the last bit.

Step 2.

Catch the troll before it can eat more goats/ do more damage.

A troll wants attention, it is in their genetics. The best way for them to get such attention is if you leave their comments unanswered or un-moderated. Reply to them quickly (see above) or, if they're really awfully rude, delete their comments before they have the chance to grow. You can hide comments on Facebook so they still show up in your insights results, meaning the troll has helped you rather than hindered you. Nice troll, have some raw meat for your efforts.

Step 3.

Be funnier than the troll or don't joke at all.

When a troll tells a joke you have to have a better one ready to reply with or you'll be outdone. Consider yourself as the entertainment and them as the heckler at your gig. 'Oi mate, your form of entertainment is rubbish!' shouts the heckler. 

'Thanks for your opinion, your voice will make our insights look better and make our social media campaign look more successful despite your angry tone,' comes your reply. The heckler falls silent. The audience applauds. You are a God. 

Step 4.

Stop feeding the troll, they need to go on a diet.

Why do you think the troll lived under that bridge? Because he knew food was just going to stroll merrily across it and into his mouth. Your social media page is effectively this bridge. If you keep feeding up easy to troll content or leave your replies badly managed or uncensored then trolls are going to flock there as a place to get their fill of metaphorical fairy tale livestock. Good community management is key to killing the trolls' food supply and making them go all thin and stringy. 

Stick to all these tips and keep your eye open for any potential danger and you should be fine. Remember, a troll is just a friend you haven't made yet. This could lead to something beautiful.