Every day I see examples of really badly written copy that people have been paid quite decent money to create. This upsets me as I can write much better copy and yet I am really quite poor. Ash mad. Ash smash. So to try and prevent you falling victim to any of that copy induced smashing here is a comprehensive list of things you should really stop doing.
1. Don't use puns unless they're really bloody hilarious.
2. Don't swear.
3. Don't squash two words together. Yeah Seat and 'Enjoyneering,' I'm talking to you.
4. Don't write rubbish copy and then get Brad Pitt to read it out. It seems like a waste of money.
5. Don't use copy to sell products, use it to sell dreams.
6. Don't write dodgy lines like point number 5.
7. Don't brag. Cocky copy is shocky copy.
8. Don't use bad rhymes.
9. DO use good rhymes. If a poem works for something, go for it.
10. Don't capitalise random words.
11. Don't use American English.
12. Don't put words in "quotation" marks. You come across as patronising.
13. Don't get an intern to write it.
14. Don't use slang unless you're cool enough to pull it off, bruh.
15. Don't refer to youth culture. You'll look desperate one day and out of touch the next.
16. Don't try and be mysterious. Say what you mean.
17. Don't get your marketing guys to do it. It will be obvious.
18. Don't ask your writer mate to do it for free. He needs to eat.
19. Don't make it complicated.
20. Don't ramble.
