I know, mental right? That's like me getting a girl into my bed and still trying to chat her up. Admittedly I do actually do that, but it doesn't make it any less wrong, it just makes me weird.
Anyway, the point, let's get back to it. For the past few days the biggest social network ever in the world have been doing some advertising on their own platform. They've been saying,
'You've already got our product. Well done. This is why you're good people.'
Not only have they been doing a weird advertising push, but they haven't even been doing it well. Of course they've got an absolute bundle of likes, comments and shares (they OWN YOU. If you don't like their content they can delete your account. Fact.)
Here are the guilty updates:
People also leave their shit all over Facebook, so I guess that's an incredibly accurate metaphor. Bravo.
Halloween is like Facebook because it lets people express themselves by being sexy, scary, funny or all three.
In short, people wear clothes they can't really pull off and force them into your eyes using the magic of photography. Again, excellent work.
Cakes are made for people to get together JUST LIKE FACEBOOK, OBVIOUSLY.
They go on to say that too much cake/ Facebook might be bad for you. Too much of these updates might be bad for you too so it's best you go back in time and say no to reading this blog post. Sorry, it's my fault.
On the bright side, none of these updates put the word 'like' in quotation marks (like I just did) or capital letters, so at least they're better than most other brands. Which they should be, because they're Facebook.