Why do people celebrate Twitter milestones? It's not as if you've actually achieved anything, is it? It just proves that you spend too much time online and not enough time actually experience life. And by you, I mean me too. Today saw my 8000th tweet. I didn't celebrate it, however, as I was too busy telling all 455 of my followers about a football result that 99% of them wouldn't care about. I'm a giving soul.
In fact so little did a I celebrate that the tweet in question wasn't even that good.
'Winner winner chicken balti for dinner' was all I said. What does that even mean? Yes, we did win, yes, I am having a curry later on, but why the hell did I tell anyone about it? God I hate myself sometimes.
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| Dinner. No-one cared. |
Moving on, I figured that instead of wasting everyone's time by telling them about some meaningless accomplishment, I would instead waste everyone's time by blogging about what I have accomplished within those tweets that lead to the meaningless accomplishment I wasn't going to waste their time telling them about. You get me?
So here are some stats. They're quite exciting if you don't have a great social life (hello.)
- 8001 tweets. (8002 when I tweet about this blog. Sly.)
- Average of 20 words per update.
- Estimated total of 160,000 words.
- Over double the average word count for a novel, which stands at around 70,000.
- 1 tweet used on BBC 606. It was quite funny.
- Klout score of 52. Mental.
- Influential about Facebook. Ironic.
- Mentioned by Nigella Lawson. Then asked her husband for a job, she didn't reply to that.
I realise now, and sadly only now, that if I'd put nearly half the effort I've put into coming up with vaguely witty tweets into something else I could actually have written a book, flogged it on the BBC, persuaded Nigella to cook me some dinner and convinced Mark Zuckerberg to give me some of his dollar. Life wasted.
But, on a mildly more serious note, Twitter has also helped me get two jobs, publish one short story, meet a lot of very interesting new people and go out on two dates (both times they were less impressed with the real me than they were the Twitter me. Gutted.) It even helped me to get called an egg by a former Lincoln player. He was shit, I didn't mind.
So what do I hope to achieve by the time I reach 16,000? Anything at all? Nah, I'll probably just use them to tell badly worded jokes and put a few more girls off me. Seems a shame to change my ways.