Today I sat very close to a man who said 'f*cking' after every word. It was quite enlightening as to what people can end up like if they never go to school or try and achieve anything in their lives and it made me want to do more things to become a better person. If I end up in my mid thirties and start using sentences like 'Why f*cking does f*cking the f*cking manager f*cking not f*cking make a f*cking substitution?' then I will know I have done something wrong.
I was at a football match when this happened, as you may have guessed, and I understand that in the heat of the moment the word 'f*cking' can be said to express frustration and/or anger at something that has happened. It is a nationally if not globally acknowledged phrase for showing how annoyed you are with something, or for sex, and so it is acceptable that occasionally it might slip out. (It should however never slip out during sex. Not the word, but your penis. If that happens you've made a mistake and you should try and claim it was all part of something exciting you read in a book.)
After judging this man for the rest of the game, which itself was pretty rubbish allowing me the time to do such a thing, I then began to wonder whether or not he was mentally stinted or if he was actually a literally genius. It takes a lot of thinking to put the word 'f*cking' after every word and to do it without even having to take a breath must surely require a brain much larger than mine. Next time I see him I will apologise unreservedly for this blog post (all the celebs are doing it) and ask if I can study him for further f*cking research.
Not that he'll read any of this, or be able to read anything. He'll be too busy bettering himself.
