WHAT YOU SAY ON FACEBOOK --- WHAT FACEBOOK THINKS
'I really love my new job!' --- 'I hope you fail. Stop bragging.'
'I've had THE WORST day at work.' --- 'HAHAHA. *like*'
'My kids are so cute. Here is a picture.' --- 'Where's the Dad?'
'My kid just said his first word!' --- 'I bet it wasn't 'daddy.'
'He's such a dickhead! I can't believe him!' --- 'Ah, there's the Dad.'
'Here's my opinion on something.' --- 'Yawn.'
'Here's my opinion on something else. I seriously believe this.' --- 'YAWN.'
'Here's my opinion. I put a joke in this time.' --- '3 strikes. You're out.'
'Add me on LinkedIn!' --- 'You will never get a job.'
'I love my girlfriend so much xxxxx' --- 'Aw.'
'My girlfriend is so beautiful I'm such a lucky guy xxxx' --- 'Got it...'
'OMG my girlfriend means so much to me I'd be lost without her xxxx' --- 'I'm going to set her on fire.'
'I can't believe she left me' --- ' LMFAO. *puts matches away.*'
'My life is so empty without her' --- '*Gets matches back out.*'
'Thanks for all the birthday messages. I've 'liked' every one.' --- 'Die.'