Here's a handy (useless) guide (list of shit) on how to get a celebrity/ footballer/ Big Brother contestant to retweet on of your crappy tweets on Twitter. I know how this works OK?!? All of my tweets are crappy but celebs retweet me all the time. Alright it was one time, and it wasn't from my account, but shush.
1. 'Dear celebrity/footballer/BB Contestant, my son/daughter/goldfish has DEATH DISEASE. Please RT as I think that might cure him/her/it. PS: I love your new show/haircut/column in OK Magazine.'
2. 'Hey there celebrity/footballer/BB Contestant. I'm trying to raise money to cure CANCER. I only need another bazillion lira and then I'll be able to save one sufferer. Please RT.'
3. 'Helpo Perz Morgun. Arsenal r shitzz. Lololol.' (Retweet would read: It's 'Hello, Piers, Morgan, are, shit. Now sniff my shoes for I AM YOUR OVERLORD scoff scoff scoff.)
4. 'Hey @JasonManford I am a woman and I have a body. RT if you would like to see that body without clothes on it.'
5. 'One Direction are AMAZEBALLS. #onedirection #Iammrsstyles #chasingthesun'
6. 'We believe in you Justin! RT if you're proud of him! #beliebersunite'
7. Other band related nonsense.
8. Be a parody account. Say something like the person you are parodying. Say it again until someone fucking listens.
Now you can all go off and be famous on the internet like that dog that does the texts or the man that wrote the book about the silly things his dad said.
You are the future.
