There is always a logic behind the number of kisses I leave after a message.
For example, my flatmate and I have an understanding that just the one x will do. Any more and people might start to get the wrong idea, any less and I will cry and wonder why she hates me.
Other people get two because perhaps I fancied them once or they always gave me two so it would have felt rude not to return the favour. Also because, you know, I fancied them once.
Occasionally people like to mix it up a little and leave both kisses and hugs in an xox sort of style. Whilst this is aesthetically pleasing, I always question the meaning behind such a signature as it just gets to be habit. I've seen them texting, it just happens out of nature. Their fingers cannot help it, thus it loses some of the power that it might have if it were thought about.
Then, on very rare occasions, someone will leave me xxx. Imagine that, three whole x's just for me. I'm honored, flattered, perhaps I will marry them one day and have a multitude of children all named after former Lincoln City players. That would be nice. Either that or they're in the porn industry, which I guess would also be nice in a different sort of way.
Sometimes I will get so into the routine of leaving x's after messages that my Dad will get some by mistake.
"What do you think the score will be?" my Dad will ask.
"We'll lose. We always lose xx" I'll reply.
"?" will be my Dad's final message.
And then, the worst situation, someone I know for a fact doesn't ever plan to marry me or have a multitude of children with me and name them after former Lincoln City players will send me a text with many x's, leaving me completely confused as to their feelings towards me. How else am I meant to gauge someone's emotions if they just abuse the letter x?
It's impossible.
It's impractical.
I've only ever left x's if I felt they were needed (apart from the unfortunate occasions with my Dad.) I expect the same treatment to be dished out to me, too..
x if you think I'm alright.
xx if you think I'm more than alright.
xxx if you want wedding bells and a son named Lee Beevers Billinghay.
It's not too much to ask, is it?
