What follows is a tale told from experience. I’ve gone about learning these lessons the hardest way possible; by living through the consequences. It’s a mistake I insist I will not make again, but my pre-existing belief makes that a tricky resolution to stick to.
Belief, or faith as some would have it, is one of life’s biggest teases. It chats you up, it wines you, it dines you, it makes you feel so special that there is little left in your armoury to resist its charms. It makes you feel like a better person. It makes you feel like you deserve to feel this way. It buys you nice food and presents, surprising you at first but leading you on to expect them on a more regular basis. Its first kiss brings your heart alive and before you know it you are firmly entrenched in its carefully laid out maze of optimism.
You can do it, it says.
You’re the man for the job. Any job.
Of course they’ll like you. Who wouldn’t?
You feel as though nothing can go wrong, everything you touch will turn to gold. It takes over your logic and disposes of it; it’s not a tool you need anymore. Belief will see you right.
Your hopes grow beyond all comparable measures.
Your enthusiasm peaks, your future brightens, your smile broadens.
Belief will have you eating out of its hands a meal entwined with lies, betrayal and deceit. You won’t notice any of that, because ultimately, you’ve been led to believe it isn’t there.
Whilst in this state you’re incredibly persuadable. If you want to then it’s easy to believe anything. No matter how ridiculous it would otherwise sound, during a moment of absolute belief it will just sink right in and make itself at home in your conscience.
You’ll fall for stories you’ve been spun. Lies will become your friends. You trust your friends, don’t you?
Only when one singular moment occurs does the yarn finally begin to unravel. You realise that belief was a trick, a fantasy, a con. You suddenly sink into disbelief; a far more depressing yet ultimately more realistic phase.
It dawns on you that for a larger than to be proud of period of time you were just part of a bigger game. The lies did not care about you. The faith was truly misplaced. It becomes apparent that you were living your life through the tricks of other people’s false optimism.
You can do it, they’d say, with their fingers behind their backs, as secretly they had neither the guts nor honesty to tell you how they really felt.
You’re the man for the job. Any job. We’ve said this to everyone else too, so you never know, we might be right.
Of course they’ll like you. Who wouldn’t? We like you so much we’ve led you to the edge of something great, before pushing you off to start from the bottom again.
Disbelief can only come about after belief has first been present.
They live side by side, each one battling for pride of place over the other.
It’s nice to feel positive, like you could do something.
Just don’t get carried away, else you might end up believing something you’ll always end up finding out was never there to believe in the first place.