This is not a blog post for hard working people.
It's not a blog post that will fight for a better future.
It's not even a blog post that has a plan.
Nah, it's just an occasionally sarcastic blog post about why I won't be voting in the general election. Hey, you might think it sounds boring, but it's the first topical thing I've written in, well, ever, so who knows where it could end up?
Before I start, let's first deal with all of you who've instantly said, "Not voting is just immature."
Fuck off. Now saying that was immature, but I felt an urge to get it out there. So without further delay, let's do this.
Reason number 1: The X Factor.
I don't mind The X Factor. Sure, I hate it for all the reasons you're meant to, but I still watch it sometimes and judge strangers with everyone else. However, I've never voted for anyone on it. They might sound alright on TV and there's a chance they could go on to achieve genuine success, but there's an even bigger chance that the promise they've shown to get to the final will fade away as soon as they have to forge a career for themselves. All that promise won't be heard of again.
In the next few weeks we're going to here a tonne of promises. They'll all sound wonderful, but I don't believe a single one of them will ever turn into anything real.
Reason number 2: Resentment.
Four years ago things were very different for me. I was a third year student with spare cash to spend on a Friday night. I was full of hope and ideas, and I was probably drunk. Back then there was a man called Nick who told us that life could be delightful if we voted for him. He seemed like a nice outsider who would do things differently, and it felt like he was speaking for me, directly.
So come May I went out and voted for that man called Nick. He got in, ish, and within a week all our hopes had been dashed as he was sucked up the arse of another man called David without so much as a whimper. It hurt to realise I'd effectively voted for a Tory government.
The same kind of glitzy claims are being made by parties now, but it's hard to trust again when you've been treated so badly.
Reason number 3: Shit TV ads.
We pay the government a lot of money. Apparently none of that is used to make good party political broadcasts. Each one, while hiding in a different outfit, is the same idea: let's talk about why the other parties are worse than we are. Which leads quite nicely into reason number 4...
Reason number 4: It's all the other people's fault.
No-one is leading with a reason to vote for them. Everyone is leading with a reason why not to vote for someone else. That's shit marketing, really. I wouldn't vote for a child to run the country, so I won't vote for people that act like one.
Actually... I probably would vote for a child if it stood for election. They'd have fun ideas.
Reason number 5: Absolute apathy.
I couldn't really give a shit.
But Ash... people fought for your right to vote!
People fought for freedom. As much as I do have the right to vote, I also have the right to say balls to it.
But Ash... if you don't vote, someone else will...
Scaremongering votes is again, shit marketing. The fear of what might happen if you don't do something isn't as compelling as the good things that could happen if you do.
Toothpaste, for example, doesn't say that if you don't use it all your teeth will fall out. It says that if you do use it your teeth will be shiny and good things will occur. Yay for good things.
But Ash...
Nah mate, it ain't happening. I won't rule it out forever, but until someone makes me think that they could really do something, I'll give it a miss.
Did you enjoy me being topical? Me neither.
