I tried the "Give me a first" approach, alas, it was laughed off.
Still, could have gone a lot worse.
All I need to do now is re-do that a bit, sort the rest of my work out, figure out where the hell my life is going, find a way to afford a masters, get a grip, sort my hair out, bla bla bla bla
AND THEN LIFE WILL BE AMAZING.