Sometimes I think too much...

Is all of this a lie? Is it a fairy tale deep inside which I lay in wait for one moment that will be so phenomenal that it will shock me to the very core and remind that, "Hang on, this can't be real," and I'll wake up all sweaty and a bit flustered? Am I in fact surrounded merely by challenges that bide their time patiently waiting for me to complete them to see if I am any where near good enough to pass through to another level?

I can't answer any of these questions. If I could I wouldn't be posing them in such a half arsed, likely to be read by about 13 people, manner.

Still, it opens up an interesting can of possibly make believe worms. So many little things happen every second we're alive that you often forget about them just as quickly as they first ventured on to the stage that is our existence. Only a very small few of those events make it through that haphazard filled filter of forgetfulness. They must have caught our eye in one way or another else what reason is there for us to cling on to their perceived importance?

Right now, for example, I cling to the ever present hope of contact with another. I regularly check numerous devices in which I could be contacted yet, if I'm lucky enough for such a thing to light up and make fancy sounds to attract my prolonged attention, I often end up disappointed by the out come.

"Oh, it's just you," I find myself mumbling aloud. This, just another minute performance in my daily show that will likely neither be credited or remembered fondly in the end of season review.

Yet could it also not be that the ultimate contact I await so longingly for is nothing more than a distraction itself from something even more profound? Do I in fact have larger aspirations that I am only yet to achieve by this continued distraction that as of yet has proved largely fruitless and at times confidence destroying?

Does it go deeper still to such a level where this search for said aspiration is nothing but a distraction from what I initially thought to be the distraction hampering my aims of climbing the mountain to reach the aspiration at which my queries are now aimed?

Again, I don't know. Maybe I should just have a drink and let it be? Maybe I should just accept that whatever this all is I'm a part of it and should sit back and enjoy the rather bumpy ride instead of questioning it's purpose at every turn.

Whatever the outcome I'm sure to end up further disappointed. Ultimately I'm quite a fan of a number of the distractions I have encountered of late and wish for them to distract me further, right now, please.

I always want something more than I can have. I hope mainly for excitement and intrigue and if let down on either count I'm afraid I must create some for myself.

That possibility has never ended well when previously put in to action.